In the event of a killer asteroid heading towards Earth, the first thing to do is stay calm. This isn’t the first time this has happened to the planet. Yes, it killed off the dinosaurs, but plenty of life survived! Follow these simple instructions, and life should be able to continue as normal.
Detecting the threat:
Sensors in the command room will begin to light up with the warning: “Asteroid Detected!”
Aliens will show up to warn us of the great threat. If this happens, see Aliens.
Analyzing the threat:
Because there are thousands of asteroids in the universe, the asteroid collision system will trigger anytime there’s a potential threat. Once detected:
Analyze the course of the asteroid.
If it can be determined that it will miss Earth with a margin of error less than 0.000001%, disregard.
If it will strike the Earth, calculate where on the planet it will hit and at what time.
Analyze the mass of the asteroid to determine potential impact on Earth.
If the mass is low enough that it will not cause a serious cataclysm, and it has already been determined to strike any of the United State’s enemies, you may disregard the threat.
If the mass is low, and it will affect the United States, skip to Redirection.
Analyze the composition of the asteroid (will it poison the atmosphere?).
Determine if there is any sentient or non-sentient alien life on the asteroid.
If yes, determine if the asteroid is actually an interstellar space ship.
Combating the threat:
Alert NASA. This may be done via ordinary means.
Determine possible counters:
Redirection: Simply launch a rocket and strike the asteroid with enough force to redirect it. You may direct it away from Earth altogether or simply a more favorable location on the planet, dependent on mass and constitution of asteroid.
Explosion: Launch a nuke or ballistic device at the asteroid and blow it up. This may cause some alarm, as the United States does not officially have weapons of that strength. Please alert Washington prior to using this method so that a statement can be prepared for the United Nations.
Coercion: In the event that the asteroid has been preceded by contact with higher alien lifeforms, consider reaching out to our new overlords (or underlords, dependent on how the battle went) and request assistance. If they require payment, consider agreeing to help them invade other countries.
If the asteroid cannot be prevented and will certainly end life as we know it, please alert Washington so that all important dignitaries and civil leaders can escape the planet before the impending apocalypse.